For Parents and Guardians –
The Importance of Talking with Kids about Abuse

The fear: We worry that we’ll say the wrong thing. We’re nervous that kids will ask questions we can’t easily answer.

The reality: The same sociocultural dynamics that make adults avoid topics related to sex or sexuality also apply to kids. Kids often feel very uncomfortable talking with adults about their own bodies. They don’t know what to do when something is happening to them that doesn’t feel “right.” This often means that adults miss out on the opportunity for early intervention in abuse because we haven’t created an environment where kids will come to us early and often.

The fear: Many of us struggle to talk openly about sexual abuse given that these conversations inevitably include talking about private body parts.

The reality: We know from research that a strong deterrent to abusers is when children show a clear understanding of their own bodies. Kids knowing and using anatomically correct names for their body parts gives them confidence in talking about and setting boundaries.

The fear: Parents and guardians are scared to alter their child’s sense of trust in the world and other adults in their lives. We may feel unsure about what to say when kids ask questions like, “But why would someone who loves me try to do something like that to me?”

The reality: Rates of abuse are higher than people think and happen most often with people we trust. When we talk openly about abuse, kids know they can come to us early, even if it involves an adult you trust. If you haven’t established a culture of communication, kids are unlikely to push through their own fears and share information about something that is happening with a family member or close friend.

The fear: We’re so overwhelmed by our primary focus as parents and guardians – to make sure no one hurts our children – that we often forget that we have a responsibility to make sure our kids don’t cause harm.

The reality: Our kids are capable of causing harm to others, too. Minors who experience sexual violence are often victimized by another youth, like an acquaintance or an intimate partner. Talking early and often about body sovereignty and boundaries lays a foundation of expectations. As kids grow into teenagers and young adults, they too must honor other people’s boundaries.

The fear: Ending abuse in sport feels daunting. As adults who care so much about the safety of the kids in our lives, we may feel overwhelmed about how to have any control over making change.

The reality: Research shows that meaningful change happens in small, intentional steps that promote transparency and open dialogue. So, while it may seem insignificant in the grand scope of things to have small conversations with kids, doing so demonstrates that we find value in these conversations and that we aren’t afraid of talking about hard things. These seemingly small steps are critical in our attempts to shift the needle of change in our own communities.